Fade Into You Chapter 20

The feeling of Bella underneath my hands was incomparable to anything else ever. I was reluctant to let the moment end, to have it sink into her that I was insane, then watch her run from me. So instead, I held on.

I refused to let my hands roam, because let's face it-that would just be fucking weird. Instead, I rested them at the small of her back, my fingers barely making contact with her body, but knowing that she was under the T-shirt she wore. Bella, her mind, body and soul was finally in my grasp. I had literally dreamt about this moment for so long now, that it made me want to cry. And as I pulled back to look at her again and she raised one simple finger to wipe below my eye, I knew that I was.

"Will you tell me how you know?" she whispered. I nodded and led her to the seating area. Once there, I was faced with a dilemma. She didn't know the meaning to everything yet. I cast a nervous glance her way and decided on the sofa once more. God everything felt so déjà vu. The only thing was I was the one crying this time.

"Come, sit." I led her to the sofa by her hand that she willingly put in mine. I was leery of the amount of trust she was putting in me, a veritable stranger.

We sat, facing each other and I was suddenly struck dumb. Where the hell does one start in a situation such as this? 'Hey, I'm just, like a stalker, but I did it in my dreams, so it's okay right?' Or how about this one? 'Well, my subconscious was planning on asking you to marry me, but since that didn't pan out…' Yeah, still no. So where the hell was I supposed to start?

"I uh, I don't know how to begin…" I told her as she sat looking at me patiently but expectantly. I ran a hand through my hair letting out a deep sigh. I looked her dead in the beautiful brown eyes and shrugged, letting my right hand raise and then drop in resignation. "I fell in love with you in my dreams."

Figuring 'out with it' was the way to go, I tensed waiting for her to run. Run as far away from the madman as possible, yet she didn't. Instead, she sat there in all her glory and gazed at me in awe. I gazed back longingly hoping this would come across as somewhat sane. The silence stretched as we both just stared. It was comfortable, yet intense. She was digging deep, seeing what she could find in me, and I was seeing the real her. The less emaciated her. The her that was vibrant and beautiful and…real.

"Are you real?" The second the words were out of my mouth, I realized how utterly fucking ridiculous they sounded, and I scrunched my eyes closed tight, shaking my head at my own stupidity and muttering. "What I mean is…I mean, well," I scratched the back of my head as I opened my eyes to see her smiling sadly at me. "Are you?" I whispered.

"I was just wondering the same thing. Your eyes are so much greener than I remembered, and I can feel you…but then again, I could always feel you in my dreams too…do I sound crazy?" she asked.

I barked out a laugh. And I do mean a loud one. She flinched away a little bit, and I felt like a douche. But honestly, did Bella just ask the nut house monthly model if he thought she was crazy? She looked a little hurt, like maybe I actually thought she was and I stopped instantly, taking one of her small hands in my own and shaking me head no, emphasizing my point with a grin.

"Bella, no. I should be asking you that, not the other way around." God I was so nervous. This was too weird. I couldn't figure out what I could share and what I shouldn't. The confusion gave way to stupidity, and I started blurting things out. "I don't know how much you dreamed of me, but I actually dreamt a life together. Do you remember the day that you….the day you were there and you helped me?"

"I remember," she whispered. "You've been on my mind ever since. I wondered if you were okay, I wondered if you knew I was there. And when I wasn't wondering, I was dreaming. I even dreamt about a letter you wrote me…" with that she looked away sheepishly and I waited for her to continue. The next words out of her mouth shocked the shit out of me, and I'm sure it showed. "I even dreamt that you called me your pretty girl, and that you said you loved me."

"I dreamt that too, Bella," I told her, pulling her chin up to meet my eyes. "And it was all so real. You know what else I dreamt?" I asked her and she shook her head. "You also told me you loved me, though I don't expect you to take my word for it."

"How much did you dream?" she asked me. What a loaded question.

"How much?" I laughed nervously as this was what I was worried about revealing. "That car accident, Miss Isabella, left yours truly in a coma for three weeks." Her mouth dropped open in shock and I shook my head and shushed her. "It's okay. I'm okay now, see? I brought our entwined hands up to my heart to show her that it was beating just fine and that this was real and she visibly relaxed. "So the answer to your question is, I dreamt in constant succession of three weeks, but to me it was six months…"

We sat and I talked for a long time, never fully losing contact with each other. I noticed we shifted closer together and a hand touched an arm, a toe touched a leg, or a finger touched hair depending on what was being said. I told her everything. The horrors of the first time we met, the letters, meeting Jasper and Rosalie. I had questions, but I decided to let it all out instead first. I told her about how she left the hospital before I could get back there and then about how we cuddled together at night. I told her about our first date, and finally about our last date and the many revelations that were made within it.

The trepidation I felt was palpable. It was in the air all around us as neither of us spoke. I had said my peace. I couldn't take the silence so I piled a little more crazy on her plate.

"I dreamt of you even after I woke up," I gulped, "Things that kind of blew my mind actually. Can you say something so I know you're not afraid of me?" I whispered.

She looked at me shyly and back down to her now knotted together fingers. She looked like she was trying to piece things together. Maybe trying to come up with a way to tell me she never wanted anything to do with me again. Her mouth opened, and then closed, and repeated the action before she looked away.

"I feel like you know all my secrets, but they're all a little messy in your head. You don't really know me. Maybe you won't want to know me if I'm different…"

"Maybe we need to learn that for ourselves, but I assure you this happened for a reason. How much did you dream about me, Bella?" I asked her.

"I told you, every night. Every single night since that accident." She looked outside and her eyes glazed over. I looked over my shoulder trying to figure out what she was looking at but couldn't come up with anything.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"Doesn't it bother you to be here?"

"No, why? It brought me to you." I told her honestly.

"No, I mean not about that, but like, doesn't it bother you that you are only about fifty steps away from where it happened?" She said and my face paled. I had never realized that to be true before. I mean, logically I knew that this was where it had happened, but I guess I never put two and two together. But then I realized something else. It didn't matter.

"My earlier answer still stands," I told her after thinking it through. "It doesn't matter, because it brought me to you."

She tentatively leaned towards me and I was like a scared animal, waiting on her to make her move. She slowly threaded her arms underneath mine and leaned her head down on my chest, right above my heart. I brought my hands up, one rubbing her back slowly and one cupped around her head, relishing in the closeness and I adventurously placed a feather light kiss to the top of her head.

"Can I take you somewhere?" she asked.

Well that was a completely unexpected question, but I was glad that she had the courage to ask it.

"I'd go anywhere with you, Miss Swan." I grinned and she smiled shyly back, that faint twinge of a blush rushing out to her cheeks and I caressed it softly with the back of my index finger.

"Well, it's kind of far away." I nodded and she still seemed worried to continue.

"Where else am I going to go?" I asked her quietly. "You have me to your heart's content."

"Ummm, it's just outside of Forks." Her apprehension was finally making an appearance. Honestly, I told the girl that I dream stalked her, that I'd go anywhere with her, and she was worried about a little drive.

"Well, then, I am driving, because I am not a fan of that damn red truck of yours," I joked with her. Her eyes widened, but she nodded. I stood and extended my hand, and she stood taking it willingly.

"Your chariot awaits, m'lady," I said as I hooked her arm through mine and we left the Starbucks.


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"You sure this is the place?" I asked skeptically as I surveyed my surroundings. We were at a dead end dirt road that ended at a hiking trail. She nodded and appraised me nervously. "So a hike it is, I guess."

"It's not far," she said so quietly I almost didn't hear her. "And I usually fall a lot trying to get there, but I wanted to show you a piece of me that maybe you didn't yet know."

"Hey, look at me," I implored her. "Hey, I'm honored and trust me, I won't let you fall. I never have before."

There was another intense silence followed by a whispered out thank you from the angel sitting next to me. I told her to wait there as I went around to her side of the car to open the door for her. She took my hand and I started leading her towards the path, but she pulled on my hand and yanked me to a stop.

"I thought we were hiking…?" I said confused.

"We are, but I never said anything about a path," she replied cryptically, then led me in the other direction. I soon found myself surrounded by so much green that it made my head swim. It smelled so fresh in the foliage, but the scent of Bella was still pushing its way through to my nose. I saw light filtering through the trees up ahead, and Bella's footsteps slowed.

"So, I found this shortly after I helped you that day, and I've come here a lot since. It's uh, it isn't anything special, but I like to think here. It reminded me of you…" she looked away again.

"Don't be shy. I told you I fell in love with you and we hadn't even met when it happened. I'm the one who's fucked up here."

"Thank you for not letting me fall," she said smiling genuinely for the first time. The other ones were all timid or nervous, this one was perfectly her.

"Thank you for allowing me the chance."

She sat down in a patch of green that looked well worn and I followed suit, laying on my side and propping my head up on my hand.

"Sooo…" she started and looked at me expectantly.

"Well, you told me that I didn't have your secrets right. How shall we remedy this?" I asked.

"You can ask and I can debunk or verify the secret."

Everything we spoke here was so quiet. It was almost like it was an unwritten rule not to break the spell. I looked to my left and my breath caught. This was the meadow from my dream. The one where I had proposed and she continually denied. This was reality. It made everything that much more concrete.

"Well, the first letter I received from you in there," I said as I pointed to my head, "and the first one I received in reality, were similar but with differences. That gave me a lot of insight. Also…" I was reluctant to tell her how much of a stalker I really had been. "My uncle, Carlisle, checked out some of your family history…" she seemed shocked but composed her features quickly. "I was trying to find you," I whispered."

"I was too. I never thought you would return there. Never in a million years. I thought the dreams of us in that coffee shop were just wishful thinking." She giggled a little.

"I love that laugh, you know."

I learned that Bella became self conscious when complimented, and tucked that neatly away in the verified column.

"Jasper and Rosalie, real?"

"Yes, very real. Jasper has been my best friend for I don't even know how long. We did homeschooling together. His mother taught us. Rosalie, his sister, was always very protective," she sighed. "I never thought she liked me very much."

"Well the Rosalie I knew loved you very much and even threatened my manhood if I made any missteps, I'll have you know," The aforementioned manhood ached at the memory and I caught my grimace before it would become visible. Bella just shrugged.

"Jasper. OCD?"

"A little," she gigged. "Not to the extent that you described him as though. It was enough to make him different, and yes it was the reason he was homeschooled…that's because we were beat up in elementary school," she added quietly eyes downcast.

"What?" I raged breaking the serenity.

"It was a long time ago, Edward. I don't like to think about it. It was the same boy that told me I was fat and to stop eating…yes that actually happened. Can I not talk about this anymore?" She asked looking near tears.

I sat up and pulled her to my side stroking her hair gently. "Of course. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. Shall we stop then?"

"Would that…would you be angry if I wanted to? This is a lot to take in. I still don't understand…" she trailed of as she motioned between the two of us and then dropped her head to her knees that she had brought up to her chest.

"Bella no. Let's give it a rest and just enjoy that we found each other. I for one hope that we have a long time to learn…that is if you want to."

"I want to. I need to I think. I'm just confused and maybe a little scared. And I think I might l-" she cut herself short and scoffed at herself.

I knew what she wanted to say. And I wanted to say it too, but she was right. It was scary.

"You always told me that you slept best when you were with me. I wonder If that's true." I smirked down at her and she opened her mouth in shock.

"Edward did we ever…I mean did we…did I sleep with you?" She hissed. " Because I've never even kissed anyone, or anything…and I can't even imagine, was it bad?" she cringed as she said this.

"Oh Bella no. No. We never did. Well, we did once," I told her softly, "but it was a dream within the dream. I don't think we can take anything from that," I told her remembering hearing my aunt and uncle in the room as we lost our virginity to each other. "And to be honest, even then, it was beautiful." I whispered and stroked her hair. "Our thing though, our thing was cuddling all night long in one of our beds. I miss it so much actually."

She calmed down and settled down on me further and I heard that quiet sigh I knew so well.

"Tired?" I asked her.

She nodded and didn't say another word as she nuzzled her cheek to my chest and wrapped her arms around my torso. Her breathing evened out and I think I finally had a moment to breathe. Now this was what real life was meant to be.

"Edward?" she asked groggily from her perch on me.

"Yes love?"

"Is 'Easy Stanley' real?"

I chuckled and told her she was and then told her she could sleep and I would still be here when she woke up. She fell asleep and I let her lay on my chest, just so she could hear my heartbeat.

I took a second to fish my phone out of my pocket in case my aunt worried about me. I noticed some texts from Alice but decided they could wait and fired one off to Esme.

Found her. We're good. Thank you. Will call you later.

The air around us grew slightly chilly and I wrapped my arms tighter around Bella.

"I love you," I told her as she slept. "You are my life now."