Fade Into You Chapter 21

"Do you trust me enough to tell me where you live so that I can drive you home?" I asked her as I held her hand and we winded our way through the darkening forest. After watching Bella sleep for a short while, I decided it probably was time for the two of us to make our way back to Seattle. It occurred to me only then that I wasn't even sure if she lived in Seattle.

Her silence stretched for awhile and I accepted the fact that she may not trust the loony dude. It was like the first proper reaction she'd had since we finally laid real life eyes on each other.

She glanced at me and I assume saw the worry etched on my face and she looked away, once again trying to wrap her fingers around her thoughts. All of this had to be hard on her. I know, for me, it was almost too much to bear.

"It's just…I mean, I assumed you already knew where I lived," she said quietly.

Ah, so that was it. Confusion.

"Well, unless you live with a rather large Native American man who pretends he doesn't know you, I think it's safe to say that it's just something else I got wrong." Her brow furrowed and I chuckled. "You didn't honestly think that in my search for you I wouldn't have gone to every place I knew to look?" I smirked at her and she smiled back.

"Will you show me?"

"Show you what?" I asked her utterly at a loss to what she wanted.

"Will you show me the things we did and the places we were in your dreams?" she sighed and collected her thoughts again. "I just want to know…" she trailed off and I moved my hand from hers and snaked it around her waist.

"I will take you anywhere you wish to go, pretty girl. Tomorrow that is. It's late now, though. Time to get you home to bed."

Her eyes were wide and I couldn't figure out why, what I had said to make her look at me that way. Emotions were dancing across her, none staying long enough to make me understand them. Confusion, adoration, regret, pain, loss, love, and finally settling on bashful.

"What is it, Bella?"

"You called me pretty girl," she whispered. "Do you say that to placate me? Make me think I am when I know I'm not?"I felt my heart breaking for the girl and I held her just a little bit closer. "I don't live up to my name. I'm not beautiful in Italian, and I'm not graceful like a swan," her sad eyes turned downwards and I waited to see if she would say anything else before I intervened. "I wish I had been there for all of it," she said almost to herself and I stopped us both turning to her and taking her face in both of my hands.

"Bella, listen to me. I call you pretty girl because I think you're a pretty girl. I only speak the truth. Actually, I don't even think of you as a pretty girl. You're an amazing girl, a brave strong girl and a heart stoppingly gorgeous girl."I stroked her hair as she digested what I just told her. "I don't need you to love me, not yet. I just need to know you. Can you do that? For me? I like my beautiful graceful bird however way you'll come to me." I told her quietly, seriousness emanating from both of us. She nodded and pulled away.

We resumed our jaunt through the forest in relative silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, more of a 'think while you have the time to' kind of silence. When we reached the car, I opened the passenger side door for her, went around to my own side and took a deep breath before being in the small confined space with the person I once upon a time thought I knew better than myself. When I turned to look at her after buckling my belt, I was surprised to see her looking my way with a contemplative look.

"I'm not scared of you," she said matter of factly before turning to look out the window.

"I couldn't be happier," I told her bringing her right hand to my mouth to give it a sweet kiss, a promise, if you will.

We drove home to Seattle in quiet. She had confirmed that she did in fact live in Seattle, and would show me directions once we got there.

I reeled in my head over the latest turn of events. Bella existed, she was real, and I could touch her. She wasn't afraid of me, and she even dreamt of me. For some reason, I was strangely worried about the ways she was taking things so coolly. I still didn't know the real her, and I desperately wanted, no needed to.

I remembered her words from earlier about how I might not like the real her, that once my ideals of her are different, I wouldn't want her. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I dint know what this new age crap was that the universe sent my way, but I was determined to finish the puzzle. She was sent to me in my unconscious state for a reason. My biggest worry was whether or not she would want me.

"Turn left," she said, effectively breaking my train of thought.

"A right here," and my surroundings were so familiar that I began to think she really did live with the dude and they were both fucking with my head. Playing a 'lets get the crazy guy all riled up' game.

"Bella what's your house number?" I asked as I tuned into the very same apartment complex I had checked out in my bid to find her.

"Twenty-six," she said hesitantly and a laugh bubbled up from my chest and spilled out. Well there it was. Twenty six. The large Native American fellow was apparently her neighbor on the other side of where 'mind Bella's' friends lived. What the hell did this mean? Why would buddys house be the one I thought of and not hers? I was fairly certain that I had dreamt of her living in twenty eight and not twenty six.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Lets just say that I was a lot closer in my search for you thank I thought," she cocked her head in confusion. I pointed towards the homes. "I dreamt that you lived in twenty eight, not in twenty six, so when I went to find you and came across the buddy that lives there, you were probably tucked away safe and sound inside your house the entire time. Right next door."

She smiled sweetly at me and then looked down to inspect her woven fingers.

"Edward, this is just a little weird…and I don't want to ask you."

"You can ask me anything, Bella. Do you trust me?"

"I have no idea why, but yes I do," she said and then a smile formed on her pretty lips.

"What's on your mind, sweet girl?" I asked and grabbed her hand in my own. She gave it a light squeeze and then looked out the window and then back at me.

"I want to uhhh, test the theory?" It came out as a question and that didn't help clarification issues at all. "About sleeping," she said nearly inaudibly. My heart pounded and nearly beat the hell out of my chest. Was she asking what I thought she was asking? This didn't seem right. She should have reservations about me. She should be scared of me. Any normal person would be scared of the crazy guy. What the effing fuck?

"What theory, Bella?" I asked her knowing full well I already knew.

"Will you stay the night with me?" she asked before holding her breath and looking at me like she pitied the fact that I had to know her. "I don't really want to be alone…"

"Bella, I would be honored to spend the night with you, but only if you're sure. This is new to you, and odd as hell I'm sure. I won't try anything," I said as I smirked down at her wistful face.

"I know you wont," she breathed and then looked away releasing the lungful of air she'd been holding. "It's not fair to do that, you know?" she said.

"Do what?" Jesus she was perplexing and I loved her for it.

"Dazzle people. Its not fair and very distracting," she huffed.

"Dazzling huh? Do I dazzle you?" I asked her and unleashed on her what I hoped to be my most inviting look.

"Frequently," she breathed before shaking her head.

"Listen, oh dazzled one, I have to make a quick phone call. How about you go on in and I'll meet you in there?" she hung her head and nodded, and I wondered why she looked so deflated all of a sudden. "I'll be right there, I promise."

She took off out the car and up to her door in a flash and I pulled out my phone after I was done making sure she made it safe and secure inside the house. I checked the text messages from Alice first and they were all pretty generic, until I got to the part where she decided that she was sure I had found her. Maybe the rug rat could see the future after all. I dialed my aunts' number and waited as it rang.

"Hello?" she answered after three rings.

"Hi,"

"Oh Edward! How did everything go?" she asked and I smiled so wide the edges of my mouth may have cracked.

"Things are going lovely, Esme. Listen, I'm staying the night at her house…"

"Edward," she admonished.

"Jesus, Esme, not like that. Give me a little credit, would ya?" I rolled my eyes. "I just wanted you to know so that you knew I hadn't gone crazy and off the grid, okay?"

"Okay well…call us if you need us. Edward, you sound happy again. Tell me how it goes, alright?"

"Yes ma'am." I hung up and left the car locking it on the way with a flash of the lights and a beep. I knocked on the front door slowly with no answer to be heard.

"Bella?" I called out.

"Come in," she said.

I walked in to find her sitting in the middle of a sparsely decorated sitting room on her couch, one of only 4 pieces of furniture in the room. Her knees were up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them and I'd never seen anyone look so small before. I hurriedly took off my shoes, and ran to sit next to her.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"I thought you were running," she finally admitted after a long pause.

"Bella," I scoffed at her and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I'm not going to run, okay? Will you tell me about school tonight? While were here, no one else to intrude on something important?" She stilled, and I wrapped an arm around her then. "It's just, I need to understand what happened, and you left it at such a precarious spot…"

"I will. Do you want something to drink first?" I shook my head and she nodded.

She snuggled closely into my side. And I wrapped my other arm around her as well, effectively cocooning her and protecting her from well…everything, really.

"Mike Newton was an asshole," she said and it was my turn to stiffen. Mike Newton was a fucking asshole. I knew that first hand. I was in high school with the crazy mother fucker. I was pretty sure he was with 'Easy Stanley' now. Maybe they had ugly babies and bad health insurance. One could only hope.

"What did he do to you?" I murmured as I ran my hand up and down her arm sending a shiver through her. "Are you cold?" I asked. She didn't answer, but I pulled the blanket from the back of the couch over the two of us anyways, just in case.

"I'm…different, Edward. I have an IQ of one forty one, but let me assure you, that does not help you in the real world. I can remember passages from books, and I can do complex equations in my head. I can recite the alphabet backwards in two point three seconds, and I can tell you the names of every single town and city in the state of Washington. But none of that helps you in the real world, does it?" she questioned distastefully.

"I always did as I was told, and I never disobeyed. That was the smart thing to do, right? Jasper was different too. Everything of his was always neat and tidy and perfect. Sometimes when the teacher would write on the board, it would be at just the slightest angle and he would have to run up and fix it, or go crazy. We weren't normal children, so we gravitated towards each other." I tightened my grip on her and waited with bated breath. "Mike Newton knew. One day, he told me that I was a whale, a fat pig, and I should just stop eating altogether so I wouldn't be anymore. I was twelve years old, and little twelve year old me dutifully did as I was told.

"Jasper was the only one who knew and he knew it was wrong, even though he was only a child himself. I started to lose weight I didn't need to lose, and I was making myself sick. I started eating, but then felt myself gaining, and was worried that Mike would find out I ate, so I began purging," she uttered quietly. I felt a tear escape my eyes as she told me and I kissed the top of her head.

"One day, we were at school, Jasper and I hiding under the wooden playground during lunch, and he found us under there. He told everyone he saw the retard kissing the whale and it wasn't true at all. He told everyone and it was mortifying. Jasper, bless him, tried to come to my rescue. He stood up for me that day and I wish he hadn't.

"Mike Newton met us on the way home from school as we walked together, and pulled us into an alley way," I did not like the direction this story was heading in and my jaw was set straight as stone.

"Did he touch you Bella?" I felt her gulp and moved back to look at her. "Did he?" She nodded and I saw red. They were twelve years old for Christ sake.

"Not like that, well, not much. He grabbed what little I had for breasts and twisted, saying that they were fat just like me. He pulled my ugly hair and said that my downstairs was probably just as ugly and stringy as my upstairs. I didn't know what he meant then, but I do now. They beat the shit out of Jasper and then Mike spit in my face and walked away. I was left crying next to a hurt Jasper and couldn't leave him for anything. Once it was dark, I guess my father began to worry. He came looking and found us there, luckily we weren't far from the edge of the alley.

"That was when we were both pulled out of school and all of the ugly truths came out." She looked down at her hands and I silently shed some tears as she began to sob and clutched at my shirt for dear life. I let her cry into my shirt and just whispered things in her ear as she calmed down.

"Bella, you are none of those things. You are not stupid, you are not fat. You are most certainly not unattractive. I wish you could see what I can see. The view from here is beautiful," I whispered in her ear. "Do you trust me?" She nodded, so I kissed her cheek and sat us upright on the couch, leaning my back on the arm of it and bringing her to sit in front of me with her back to me. I pulled my arms around her and slowly snaked them up and over her arms.

"Do I scare you, Bella?" She shook her head, but I could detect a small hint of fear in her eyes.

"Do you want to try to have something with me?" she nodded.

"Can I show you what I love about you?" I whispered to the shell of her ear, and she melted into me.

"You can't actually know that you love me. You know nothing about me," She mumbled.

"That's not true," I told her as my right hand came up to her neck and I touched the small scar behind her left ear. "I don't know why this is here, but I know it is. That's the important thing."

"I fell off my bike when I was eight. It was from the gravel." I nodded and skimmed my hand down to her arm and stretched out her arm and turning it, before tracing the freckle on the inside of her elbow. It was bigger than all the rest. It was her calling card. "This freckle is something I would be sad to see go." I told her and smiled.

We were speaking in hushed tones, both of us too afraid to disturb the peace of the moment. My hands trailed to her sides and just under her shirt where they sat on her stomach and I could feel that she was nowhere near as small as he was the first time I met her in my dreams. She was more like the girl I last saw there. I tickled her side with my pinky and she giggled. "Your skin is perfect here. I love the feel of it."

Bella was bright red, but glowing. No one had ever told her how special she really was. I had to make her see somehow. That dick Newton popped in my head and I turned into a crip again. All ready to bust caps in asses and shit.

"Still trust me?"

"Yes," she said without thinking for even a moment.

I moved both hands up her sides over the t-shirt she wore and sighed. I was nervous about doing this, but she needed a better memory than the only one she had. "Can you look at me Bella?" I asked her and she turned her head enough to see my eyes, her back still pressing to my front. I cautiously moved my hands upward and sighed as I placed one lovingly on each breast, not sexually at all. I rubbed my thumb along the sides and bent down to whisper in her ear.

"And these are perfect, just like my gorgeous girl."

All movement stopped. I felt her heartbeat quicken and then stutter for a moment before resuming its natural beat. I kissed her neck and let my hands drop to find hers. She twisted her fingers in mine and our eyes never once disconnected.

"I was meant to find you, Bella. It's what I was put on this earth to do. So, God help me; let me make you some better memories."

She stared at me in shock and then she softened so much that she slumped into me.

"I'm still scared that you aren't real," she told me and I knew exactly how she felt. "Why do you love me?" she asked.

"I love you because you told me to stay strong. And I love you because you wrote me a letter. I love you because we dreamt about each other, and I love you because I want to."

"I want to tell you everything," she said and yawned. "I want you to know who I really am, and I want to know you. I can't say it yet because I'm scared," I nodded and kissed her cheek. "Is it weird that we're doing this so quickly?" she asked me.

"To me, it isn't even remotely quickly. You have no idea how long I've waited for you, Isabella Swan."

She looked longingly for a moment before shyly smiling up at me through those damn lashes that would be the death of me.

"I want to kiss you right now..." she trailed off and it looked like those words were treacherous on her.

"Your wish," I told her as I leaned down closer to her, "Is my command."

I moved nearer and her breathing picked up. She was nervous and rightfully so. I closed my lips and brought them to her soft ones, gently kissing away everything that was a bad memory, making this new memory better. Making it something she wanted to rehash rather than thinking about the events she just told me about. We kissed slowly for a moment, drinking each others needs in, and then pulled apart. Her eyes were closed and her cheeks were flushed. They slowly opened and she brought a finger up to touch the huge smile on her face.

I had just given my pretty girl her second first kiss.