Fade Into You: Chapter 12

The months passed in much the same way. The seasons stayed mild, I saw Bella often and we touched and cuddled and kissed till dawn some nights. Some days we sat in the living room watching movie after movie after movie ad I started fielding more and more phone calls from the family.

I let them all go with a tired sigh. Alice's explanation had made zero sense to me, much like everything else in the last little while. Everything had been so surreal, so unreal, that I began to question its integrity.

The only thing I was absolutely sure of was Bella. I wanted her to move in with me. We spent so many of our nights together as it was, and I hated her living alone in that house, especially with Rosalie and Jasper no longer next door.

My siblings had sunk their teeth in and the other two couples in the sextet were living together already. I'd asked Bella already, but she needed time to think, time that I would gladly give her.

We still wrote each other letters. Sometimes we would leave them in 'The Chair', sometimes on the pillow at whatever home we'd stayed at. Sometimes, I just handed it to her on my way out her door, for her to read on her own, without my prying eyes.

---

Christmas came and went. Bella still had not agreed to move in, but promised she was thinking about it. I promised not to push her on it. I held on to promises.

Dec 25, 2008

Dearest Bella,

This is quite possibly the best Christmas I have ever had since I lost my parents. I have you to thank. I love my family, of course, but you complete my family.

I know you asked me not to get you anything, but as if you thought I would actually listen to that you silly girl. Its not big, it's not much, but it's perfect for my pretty girl. You have to know that I would get you anything. By anything I mean that I would get you your own fucking yacht if you wanted it.
I love you, babe. I love you like you are an extension of me. I feel it from you too. I do. Don't doubt that. I don't need to hear it to know it. My family loves you too, like you've always been one of their own. Thank you for being a part of us. A part of me.

So, Merry Christmas, pretty girl. I can't wait for the hundred more we're going to spend together. Maybe even two hundred more.

I guess that's all I wanted to say. Stay beautiful, stay the way you are, and stay mine.

Love Always,

Your Edward

That was the letter I left her in her Christmas present. The present was a locket containing a picture of me on one side, and a mirror on the other. It symbolized the fact that where I was she would always be too. And also, that looking at me, she was seeing a reflection of herself.

She'd left a letter for me as well on Christmas day, on my pillow at my aunt and uncles' house where we'd slept Christmas Eve.

Dec 25, 2008

Dear You,

It's been awhile since I started a letter to you that way. I thought it would be cute. Make you remember where we came from.

I know that I am going to have the best Christmas in my entire life this year. I have a family. I know I had a family before, but this family is something else. This family has never judged me for my problems. This family has never blamed themselves for my mistakes. And this family took me in when I was at my worst.
This family is one that I am proud to become a part of one day…in the real sense, you know?

I'm sorry I couldn't get you much. I don't have the money you do, but since I knew you wouldn't listen and would get me something…I knew I had to get you something too. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me, and you do to me.

I want you to know I'll answer everything soon, I promise. I just needed to be sure. I can't wait to move into the New Year with you. I can't wait to do this together.

Please don't give up on me, though I'm not entirely sure you could. I love that about you. Your passion. It has given me so much to hold on to. I hope you know that.

Looking forward to many more Christmas Days together.

From,

Your Darling Bella

It was comforting to know that she knew I couldn't give up on her. Bella had given me something so perfect that it almost made me cry. It was a CD she had made with all the songs that made her think of me on it. Was the most meaningful thing I had ever been given in fact.

It really was one of the best Christmases ever.

---

The New Year came and we passed through it together. We kissed at midnight, and hid in my bedroom away from the rest for the rest of the night. We did our thing. It came easily to us.

"I can't believe how pretty you are." I whispered to her in the quiet of our sanctuary.

It was punctuated by a muffled cheer from somewhere, next door maybe. New Years revelers still in top form.

"I can't believe how pretty you make me feel." She replied and then let out a quiet moan as I brushed across her still clothed southern regions.

"Sorry."

"No…it's okay."

"Okay..." I murmured out.

But sorry, these moments were still just for me and her.

---

Valentines Day.

I always hated Valentines Day, and I still do. It was never because I was alone and had no one to share it with; it was because if you truly love someone, like, enough to equate them with St. Valentine, then should you not shower them with the same love every single day of the year?

That was the way I felt, but alas, here we were.

Me and my Bella went out for Valentines Day of course.

"We'll start of with two coffees please. Coffee right, Bella?"

She nodded in assent when I looked towards her and was happy with the fact that she did not have her eyes on the male waiter that stood before us. Not that she would anyways. She'd come a long way, but was still so drawn into herself. She was such a different person when we were alone. Her soft touches ignited things within me that I'd only dreamt of.

We still hadn't made our way around the bases, but we were nearing it. Her shell was so close to broken I could almost feel it in the air. I wasn't pushy, not by any means, and I was more than okay with her wanting to wait awhile. It was a big step to take. Not one that I wanted either of us to take lightly either.

"And I'll have the Chicken Parmesan. What about you, sweetie? What catches your eye?"

Bella looked at me with a twinkle in her eye that said "You catch my eye, Edward." And I wanted to take her away right then and there. We, however, had a meal to eat and things to discuss.

"I'll take the Mushroom Ravioli, please." She whispered out, briefly looking up to be sure the waiter had heard her.

That right there was something else. Months ago there was no way you would have caught her telling the server her own order. I thought back to our very first date and chuckled inwardly. When the waiter arrived and asked what she wanted to drink, her eyes had grown wide and she looked at me with a panicked plea in her eyes. Silly Bella, I had her covered. She had been so worried that her shyness would upset me, annoy me even. I found it endearing. I loved that she was different with me, that she knew that she could speak openly and freely with me. Jesus she'd come such a long way. Just the fact that she ordered something that wasn't just a salad or a soup was so much to be thankful for.

"I'll be right back with your drinks."

We were then left alone, and I took her hand from across the table. There were some big things that needed discussing.

"So, about the moving in thing. I know I said that I'd leave it up to you, but I just want to tell you how much I would love it if you did. Almost as much as I love you, actually."

Her grin widened. She had yet to return the sentiment, but I knew it was there. In her own time, I was sure she'd be able to voice it. I could see it and sense it. Even if she didn't love me as much as I her, she cared deeply enough for me that I knew it to be true.

"I have been thinking about it, Edward, and I think - no I know - that it's something I want to do."

"Really?"

"I mean, I'm there all by myself, its too quiet…too much time to think about things. Things I'd rather not revisit."

"Plus, it means a lot more 'us' time, baby! And to wake up to you every morning. I would die a happy man, let me tell you."

I was beyond ecstatic that she had said yes, I wasn't truly sure that it had yet sunk in properly. I took both her hands in mine and waited for her eyes to meet mine. She was the only one who really saw me lately when looking at me. I felt like everyone else was looking through me. Why I felt so unnerved I had no idea.

"You're really saying yes to this, Bella?"

The waiter returned with our coffees, but they sat untouched as I waited for him to leave so she would validate me.

"I'll be back shortly with your meals." I waved him off and didn't even glance his way.

"I'm really saying yes."

I jumped up from where I sat across from her in the booth and came in to move beside her. Framing her face with my hands, I placed a gentle kiss upon her lips, and then another. I hugged her still slender, but no longer emaciated frame to me and then leaned back to look at her with wonder.

"I love you, Isabella Swan. So much it hurts some times. Do you know that?"

She blushed and nodded.

"I love you too, Edward."

Had I heard that correctly?

"Bella…?"

"I said…I love you, Edward."

My sweet, sweet girl had finally told me she loved me. I wanted to shower her with gifts; beautiful things that made her feel safe and wanted. I wanted to jump up and tell the entire restaurant that we were in love. I wanted to kiss her and hug her, and do dirty beautiful things to her, but all of that would have to wait.

"I-I'm speechless, Bella, I don't even know how to…thank you. Thank you for believing we could get to this point, baby! Thank you for staying true to you and waiting till you felt you could say it. Thank you for loving me. I love you too."

That was when our food came and we untangled ourselves from each other in order to eat. I watched her slyly as she ate, making sure she wasn't just moving the food around. Bella still had her moments where she would lapse back into her old ways without even thinking about it. Once I was fairly certain that she wasn't toying with me, I focused on the food in front of me, anxious to get the evening over with so we could talk in private somewhere.

We finished quickly and I paid the bill. Bella had learned that I was the one who paid the bills early on. Not to sound like an asshole, but it really was the gentlemanly thing to do. I paid, while I noticed her leave a small tip on the table. I smiled at her. She knew I tipped, and I knew she left her own as well. It was her way of feeling like she was contributing. It was cute. The first time I noticed her do it had led to an argument. She explained her point quickly, fearing that it would anger me, and I understood completely. After that, I decide to adjust my tipping so that we weren't over indulging the service staff of America.

Making our way out to the car, I threw my arm around Bella's waist and brought her in for a kiss. We giggled and laughed all the way to the Volvo. She smacked my hand away as I tried to tickle her side and leaped away playfully. I pouted until she came back to my side, nestling herself into what I fondly called 'The Bella Spot'. It was that space in my side that she just fit so neatly into. Like it was made for her and only her.

I set her safely in the car, closed the door and made my way around to my own in record time. She'd barely even gotten herself buckled in when I pulled her left hand up to my lips and gently kissed each finger.

"I can't tell you how happy I am that you're going to come live with me Bella. Things are going to be great. I can feel it. I just wanted to tell you that this is in no way pressure for us to take the next step. I promise I will still respect your wishes and beliefs, this doesn't change anything okay?"

"I know that, Edward. I wouldn't have said yes if I thought that's all you were going for." She snickered and playfully rolled her eyes. Keeping her hand in mine, I changed gears and led us out of the parking lot.

"You really are that guy that doesn't give up my hand even when you have to change gears." Her eyes were shimmering with some unshed emotion and I chuckled and caressed her hand with my thumb.

"I really am that guy. Thought you knew that by now. I brought you flowers, I've never let you fall…I've most certainly not checked out any other ladies."
"Thanks for being him."

"Mmmmmhmmm." I mumbled as she leaned over slightly to kiss me on the temple.
My phone started to ring, and since I was not one to drive and talk, especially with precious cargo in the car, I was just going to let it ring. Instead I decided that anyone that would be calling me knew Bella, so she might as well answer that.
"Babe, can you answer that for me?"

She nodded and grabbed my phone out of the console between us.

"Hello?" she answered. "Edward, its Esme."

"What's up? Tell her I can call her back later."

"She asked if you were coming around."

Well I hadn't had anything planned for when I was going back to visit them, but I decided that soon was as good a time as any.

"Tell her we'll come by in the next couple of days." Bella relayed the message and I beamed at how comfortable she was talking to them now. At first it had been a daunting task introducing her to everyone. Emmett and Alice especially. She and Al had bonded through the relationship that Alice and Jasper had formed, and Emmett saw her as the little sister that he would kick ass for in an instant.

"She says she misses you and will be waiting there."

Well, I hoped they'd be waiting. It was their home after all. God my aunt was so confusing these past few months. It was like talking to an escapee from a mental institution.

"Alright, tell her we'll both be there."

She finished up the call and placed the phone back in its spot.

"Your aunt is so sweet. She's always so worried about you. Why is that?"

"I don't know. She worries about you too, you know. Esme loves you, Bella. She told me. You mean so much to everyone. I never want to lose you."

"You never have to."

That was when everything changed. I remember Bella once told me how much things could change in a month. The way things change in an instant though, that's what can really throw you.

There wasn't enough time to swerve as the car came straight for us, driving the wrong way in our lane.

There wasn't enough time to scream.

There wasn't even enough time to register what was happening before the crunch of the metal and glass sounded everywhere around us. The frame of the car imploding on itself from the impact of the high speed the other car was traveling.

There was only enough time for me to grasp my Bella's hand just a little bit tighter and tell her I loved her one last time.

"I know. And you always will. Find me…don't forget about me." She simply said
In one second everything had changed. It all seemed oddly familiar to me. The sounds, the sights, the taste of the metal and the blood. Brief flashes of another time danced through my head, but they were incongruent with what was happening. Not right. Not what I was living through at the moment.

I'd never given much though to how I would die. But dying in place of someone I love, seems like a good way to go. I can't bring myself to regret the decisions that brought me face to face with death. They also brought me to Isabella.

Death is peaceful - easy. Life is way fucking harder.