Fade Into You: Chapter 6

She was gone once I finally made it back to the hospital two days later. Two fucking days. That's how long It took us to sort out the mess, all due to one missing piece of paper. A piece of paper can change everything you know. I know for a fact that a piece of paper changed my life.

So here I was again. Another two weeks later, only one new letter in tow and I had nothing else to show for it.

"I started that psych class. It's really great, you know? The professor, he's kind of on the douche side, but that's okay. He seems pretty brilliant. How about you, Em?"

Alice brought me out of my musings as we sat around my aunt and uncles table for a make-up family dinner. After the night that I so unceremoniously ruined my uncles' birthday, this was the first chance we had to be all together as a family. Everyone said that they didn't blame me whatsoever and didn't even harbor any ill will towards either of us, but I still couldn't shake the feelings of guilt.

"Well, I'm training this dude and he's, like, working towards some underground fighting business. Big guy, small brains."

"Kinda like you bro?" I joked with him. He shot me a look of faux anger before punching me in the arm. No way would I give him the satisfaction of how much that actually hurt.

Emmett was a personal trainer here in Seattle, and spent a lot of time with big beefy guys that were much like himself. I guess that's selling him short. He's got a career and a life, and enough brains to make it through life. He wasn't what you would call the deepest trench in the ocean though.

"Be nice to your brother, Edward." Carlisle gave me a pointed look and then followed it up with a wink.

"Have you heard from your-"

"No." I cut off Esme before she could even finish that sentence. I hadn't heard from her, and it was a little difficult for my stalkerish wordy self to deal with.

It had been two weeks to the day since I'd last seen Bella. Eleven days since I'd first read the last letter she left me when she left the hospital. The letter I kept in my pocket and read over and over again like the obsessed weirdo I was.

My visits to 'The Chair' had become less after the first week. By that I meant it was less like I was living there and more like it was actually a coffee shop.

Emmett had shown up and somehow been the voice of reason. He told me that a) If she was a s freaked out as I'd said she was, she wouldn't come in if I was sitting here…and b) What I was doing was…kind of creepy. He was right, so I decided on going every second day from then on.

"How's the bookstore going?" Alice asked trying to bring me into the conversation. To be honest, I had no fucking clue what was happening with the store. Great.

"Oh, uh, good." I answered her half-heartedly. I knew full well that place could have burnt to the ground and I wouldn't have the slightest clue. Awesome business owner I was, eh?

She gave me a sympathetic smile knowing exactly where my head was at the moment, and every other subsequent one. You can always count on Alice to try and move swiftly out of an uncomfortable situation.

"I had a vision that I was going to meet the love of my life soon. He was blonde and his name starts with a J! I wonder where I'll meet him."

I chuckled and shook my head. I loved the fact that my dear little sister was positive that she could see the future. Sometimes, more often than not in fact, her 'visions' did come to fruition. And they all said I was the creepy one…

"Emmett's will be blonde too! Tall and leggy and likes cars. That's all I got there. Edwards is a little murky though…" she murmured as her eyes unfocused and I knew that she was trying to 'see' what was in store for me. I knew she wouldn't say that I was meant for Bella anymore. I railroaded her on that one. Finally had enough of it. Just because I wanted it didn't mean it would happen.

"Likes cars? Really Alice? And where do you suppose I meet this leggy blonde car loving goddess you speak of?" Emmett asked.

She shook her head as if shaking away her thoughts. Glancing sideways at me, she slyly smiled and told him something about 'The Chair'. This had my attention.

What's this about Em's soul mate and Starbucks?"

Esme laughed then and I suddenly remembered where I was. Carlisle and Esmes house. Dinner. Make-up dinner, actually. Don't fuck this up, Cullen!

"You're so single minded lately, Edward. The word chair brought you out of your thoughts and back into the conversation. Quite a feat that is these days."

I smiled apologetically at her but she waved me off with a smile of her own.

"No need to apologize, son," It always warmed my heart when Carlisle called me son. It made us truly a family in my eyes. They were like a second set of parents to me. "It makes sense, really. First love and all that. And under the circumstances, I'd say it's allowable. Expected even."

He's right, Edward. I just fell so badly for the poor dear. I wish we could find out how she was doing." Esme chimed in.

I rolled my eyes. Not because I thought little of what they were saying, not by any means. It was because I was so damn transparent. First love. It made me feel like a teenager in high school. I chuckled a little at that.

"I can't wait for the two of you to get your shit together." Emmett bellowed. We all looked at him incredulously. "What? Look, I love that you're getting your writing rocks off or whatever, but dude! You're mind fucking me without a condom here. You're so all over the place like a chick. I feel like I'm going to end up barefoot and pregnant with a marsupial or some shit. I'm so Goddamn confused!"

I burst out laughing as I noticed the expressions on the rest of my family. Alice looked bored by Emmett's outburst, Carlisle was trying to hold in a laugh, and Esme looked horrified. And I don't mean mildly offended or something. She was like, mortified. How anything he said still surprised her was beyond me, but that shit right there was classic Em.

"Emmett, nothing you just said even makes any sense." Alice said with a roll of her eyes. Understatement of the year!

"Watch your language young man." Esme scolded and blushed, but then laughed along with Carlisle as he finally broke down.

"Mind fucking you without a condom? So like…I'm giving you unsafe mental orgasms or something?"

He glared at me, a death stare to end them all before he eventually succumbed to the hysterics along with the rest of us.

"Whatever dude, you know what I mean. Your mood swings are giving me whiplash. It's annoying."

"Did she get the letters you wrote her in the hospital?" Alice asked sobering the conversation greatly.

I reached up scratching the back of my neck before running the same hand through my weird ass head of hair. I leaned back in the chair letting out a long sigh.

"Yeah. Well, I mean I guess so. The nurse I'd told about them said she gave them to her. She left me one too, saying she'd received them, but not yet read them. So while I know she got them, I have no clue if she's read them."

Silence surrounded us then and I felt uncomfortable for bringing down the mood so quickly.

"It's alright, I mean, whatever, right? I tried calling her, but no luck there. And as Emmett pointed out to me, it wasn't healthy for me to be basically living at the coffee shop." I gave him a nod and he returned the gesture. "I'll wait. I can wait."

Shortly after, we broke off for the evening and I began the lengthy drive home. All that time alone with my thoughts ended up bringing me to so many different conclusions that I think I gave myself whiplash. My brother wasn't joking. I was such a girl.

I'd settled on going in there tomorrow, leaving her a letter and asking her to contact me next. It was the only way really for my sanities sake.

October 5, 2008


Dear Beautiful,


You may never read this, but that's okay. I always feel better after I've written things down.


I thought you should know that you were a favorite topic of conversation at the family dinner last night.


Emmett's convinced that we need to get our shit together or he's going to end up a single mom of like, eight or something. I don't know. I told you. I get confused and tune him out. Hurts my brain too much.


Esmes worried about you. She wanted to know how you were doing and asked that I let her know as soon as I heard anything.


Carlisle played doctor and wanted to know if you were healthy. He also said that he would love to meet you under better conditions. (Esme agreed with this, as did Em and Alice.)


Alice has all of our futures mapped out. She can see the future you know. She's convinced that since she can see your future as well, it's painfully obvious that you are meant to be in our lives (her exact words. To the letter.) and that she's still fine with being second best.


As for me, I told Alice that she may have to settle for third place as I want second place all to myself. I don't want to replace what you've known forever, I just want to be added to the equation, if you'll let me.


Give me a chance. Text me or call me. Leave me a letter if you must, just let me know somehow that its there.


Your Edward, Always

I folded the letter hastily and shoved it down alongside the cushion of the chair. Rubbing my hands over my face in a misguided attempt to clear my thoughts, I let out a breath and leaned back.

Looking up, I was met with those beautiful brown eyes staring right back at me maybe ten feet away. She was right there. It was real. She was real. She glanced briefly towards the cash register where I saw a tall blonde woman paying for three coffees. They made eye contact briefly before the blonde woman looked at me blankly, rolled her eyes and then laughed quietly to herself shaking her head.

I stood, looking back at Bella and my face hurt because of the smile plastered there. Jesus. Man up, Cullen.

"Bella," I whispered out. "You came!" For the record, my immature confused mind immediately wanted to shout out 'THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!' but obviously refrained. There were clearly so many reasons that this was the wrong place and time. Not least of all being the fact that you can't say that after your own sentence. Mental headshake. Douche.

She nodded, and then glanced behind me. She giggled softly, but then blushed and looked immensely embarrassed. I looked over my shoulder thoroughly confused. "Not here. Stop it!" she scolded in a loud whisper.

"Bella, why is that man unfolding and refolding the letter I just left you? I asked confused as I cocked an eyebrow at the entire odd situation.

"Oh…um, that's Jasper. He might have some OCD issues…"