Fade Into You: Chapter 9

Ever since that day in the coffee shop, Bella and I had spoken in some form or another. I knew that the days I received a phone call she was having a particularly bad one. It meant she needed more confirmation that she existed than simply words in an anonymous font on the face of a cell phone. I was more than willing to give her said confirmation, but still had no idea why she needed it.

My family was over-fucking-joyed that things were going well. Enough to be expected, that is.

We only met once since that day, and I was okay with it. She needed her time. At least she was talking now. I could deal with it.

The days were changing but the weather wasn't. It was an oddly mild fall here in Seattle. The leaves were still the same and the breeze just blew a little stronger. The usual biting chill was nowhere to be seen.

Rose was still a massive bitch. I mean, who on earth is that much of a bitch? I have never met such a cow before. It's like she wasn't even real. I needed to know the reasons though before I judged. But fuck girl, lay off for like eight goddamn seconds.

Whenever I talked to Bella on the phone I could hear Rosalie in the background yelling at her for talking to me. She would always say that it wouldn't do her any good to get attached and I wanted to punt her into next week for that shit. She didn't need it drilled into her head that I wasn't good enough for her. She could make her own decisions, no matter how fucked up she thought she was. She was getting so much better. Less self deprication, more eating. Rosalie was just making this shit harder on all of us.

Jasper, on the other hand. Holy shit. Who were these people that had fallen into my life? He had this stringy honey hair that fell nearly to his shoulders and he was constantly trying to fix something, anything that seemed to be out of place. I swear the dude would try and rearrange my limbs if he thought he could get away with it. He was funny though. Amused the shit out of me. I could watch him all day long and not get bored. I'd met OCD people before in my lifetime, but never to this extreme. He was like a cartoon character almost.

It was as if time seemed to stand still since Isabella Swan came into my life. The lack of weather change, seeing the same people day in and day out. I suppose that second thing was due to the fact that I basically lived in the coffee shop for so long.

Carlisle and Esme called frequently, checking to see if I was okay, telling me things would be fine. It was always the same conversations, just more often now. Emmett was still a douche, Alice was still obnoxious, but I felt like a changed man.

Everything about me seemed different. I held better posture these days, exuded a confidence that I never had before. It had only been a month since that coffee shop meeting and I was sure that Bella was the best thing to ever come into my life.

I powered up the computer and waited for all that useless shit to load that always does upon start up. As everything logged in I made my way to the refrigerator and grabbed myself a beer as I waited. Upon returning, I noticed that I had nine new emails in my hotmail account. Nothing new.

What was new was the email from an unknown account.

It was from one bellasnotaswan. But my Bella sure was a swan.

Dear Edward,


I can write more here than I can in a text. I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me. You're the best support system a girl could ever find. Thank you for all the lovely things you tell me, even if they are just to make me happy. Thank you for being there and not being annoyed by little texts here and there. And the phone calls. They're sweet.


I re-read the letters you left me. All of them. One of them said you wanted to take me out on a date when I was better. You don't have to do that. You didn't really know me then, but you do now. Things are different, and times have changed.


I know that a month doesn't really seem like that long of a span but it is. A lot can happen in a month. Depending on the time of year, the season can change. Flowers die, the leaves change and fall to the ground. Certain insects die, but others pester you without fail. Everything can change in a month. I know this from experience. It can, and it has.


So here I am giving you an out again. Take it however you'd like to, but please don't use me as an excuse. It bothers me that you seem to have taken pity on me and have taken it upon yourself to try and keep me sane. It isn't fair to you and I wont stand for it.


If by some strange twist of fate you still want to take me out on a date, you need to know that I've neither been on a date nor kissed. It would be awkward and strange. Just a heads up.


Thank you again for…just everything.


Sincerely, Bella.

I couldn't figure out why the fuck this girl was always trying to give me an 'out' as she so eloquently puts it. Jesus, I started to wonder how much convincing it would take to get her to realize that she was a normal person. Normal people are fucked up too. I mean, I considered myself to be a pretty normal guy, but I had my issues as well.

My phone rang and I jumped. Looking at the clock I realized it was almost midnight. Who the hell was calling me at this time?

"Hello?"

"Edward, everything is going to be alright. You know that right?"

"Esme? Whats wrong? Is everything okay?" Clearly everything was not alright because that was the most fucked up greeting I'd ever gotten from my aunt. Ever.

"We're here for you. Just remember that. All of us."

"O-okay. I love you." I wanted to tell her to lay off the crack but decided that would probably be the stupid route. Instead I went with the 'confused-as-fuck' route and kept my mouth shut.

"We love you, son."

And that was it. She just hung up. Just like that. I'd been getting a lot of these strange phone calls lately. Esme, Alice, Emmett…even Carlisle, and he was not the phone call kind of guy at all. I just decided to keep it to myself though. Surely they had their reasons for acting like a bunch of nutjobs. They were probably just worried about Bella and making sure my situation with her was fine. It just bothered me that it felt as if they were talking around me rather than to me.

With a shake of my head I turned my attention back to the laptop., the e-mail in question staring me in the face like a beacon. I decided a response was my best course of action.

Dear Bella,


First of all, please change your e-mail address. I don't like to see you putting yourself down. I'd even settle for Bellaisaswan, plus it's a fun play on your name!


There is no need to thank me though, and of course it is all true. I told you once and I will tell you again.: I would never lie to you. I don't even know if it's possible to do so.Wouldn't you find it absurd if I were saying these things just to make you happy? I mean I am telling them to make you happy, but only because I want you to be happy. I like you when you're happy. That came out wrong. I like you when you're not happy too. No wait…shit.


Let me Start over. I tell you you're pretty and smart and all those things because it's true.It's not to placate you, it's to validate you.


I would still very much like to take you out on our date, if that would be okay with you. We wouldn't even have to go all out, we can start off easy if you'd like. Bella, I need you to understand something. I am not that guy. You know, the guy that's in something for a joke or a laugh. The guy that checks out other girls when he's with you (because frankly, for me, there are no other girls) or doesn't call you back because he doesn't feel like it.


I'm the guy that brings you flowers, and makes sure you don't trip over a crack in the sidewalk. The guy that doesn't let your hand go when he changes gears. Bella, I'm the guy that thinks about you first thing when he wakes up and right before he goes to sleep. If I had to leave for any length of time I'd make sure that you had something that smelled like me so that I'd always be there with you.


I'm the guy that likes you for who you are, not who you should be. So stop questioning me and let me be that guy.


And you're right, you know. Everything can change in a month. I know I did.


Love, Your Edward

I hit send without a second glance and the email was on its way, awkwardness and all. I didn't feel the need to edit around her, I could just tell her exactly as it was. This probably meant a messed up read on her end, but I'm sure she'd be able to decipher it enough.

Roughly shoving the heels of my palms into my eyes, I leaned back on the couch and surveyed things.

The hands on the clock had barely moved. The glass that I had used earlier sat nearly untouched. The quiet of my apartment allowed me to hear the hiss of the laptop as the wheels worked in its mind. The phone sat face down on the table top, awaiting its next surreal call, and my e-mail inbox told me I had zero unread messages.

Nothing had changed, but in reality everything had changed.

One day, I went into a coffee shop to grab a coffee and catch my breath after a car had almost run me down in the middle of the street. All I'd thought when I sat down in 'The Chair' was "Thank fuck I'm still alive". I'd left that day with a new reason for living, a new lease on life and the best grounds upon which to change.


Isabella Swan.

All I had to do was convince her that she was worthy of being that motivation.