Fade Into You: Chapter 4

My mind raced as I ran out of the house, unlocking the Volvos' doors as I went. How the hell had I not known her? I mean, I know I only went to Forks High School for my senior year, but she would have been in Alice's grade most likely. I didn't even know that Chief Swan HAD a daughter.

"Where's the fire?" Emmett yelled to me and I groaned. Great. Put another thought in my head, asshole. It's not as though I hadn't already had assaults and break-ins and accidents running through there. Sure, let's add fire to it now. Perfect.

"Cant talk, Em. Carlisle and Esme will explain. I'll see you later."

I dropped into the seat and simultaneously started the engine as I shut the door. At the last minute I fastened my seatbelt as I realized I was no good to her dead.

Throwing the car in gear, I tuned my head and whipped out of the driveway just as Alice was coming up the lane. Once again, I was like a man possessed. I didn't even stop to explain to my sister of all people. Didn't even think to stop and ask her any questions. Way to go, idiot.

Too bad. I was a man on a mission, and that mission was Isabella Swan.

Isabella Swan.

It felt surreal to me that MG had a name now. I wondered briefly if this would be the end of the letters. I mean, of course it would, right? I was meeting her. There wouldn't be any more need for the letters.

I found the house easily enough. Forks was not a very large town. When I first caught sight of the giant sucky ancient red truck in the driveway, my heart started to pound like it was going to beat its way right out of my chest.

She was in there, she needed help. Isabella needed me. I could do this.

I exhaled the breath that I hadn't even realized I was holding. Undoing my seatbelt first, the dinging from the car was threatening to make my brain explode with all the noise already floating around in it.

Now that I was here, I was terrified. What was I going to find? Who was I going to find. Please tell me that she had maybe just needed help reaching something high. Or, her cat got stuck in a tree.

Okay. Right Edward. She would definitely text you freaking out because her cats stuck in a tree. Why was I such a tool sometimes?

I made my way up the steps and knocked on the door of the modest home. This was it, Cullen. This. Was. It.

Nothing.

I knocked again a little louder and harder this time. I yelled a hello through the door and waited.

Nothing.

Turning the knob, okay evidently it wasn't locked-how safe was that; I peeked inside the house and called another hello out hoping to coax her out of hiding. I could hear something upstairs so I bounded up the steps two at a time.

God this felt wrong. Like I was committing a fucking crime or something. I didn't commit crimes. I didn't even have the pleasure of ever being talked to by Chief Swan. I'm sure he was a great man. The sound from the end of the hall made my stomach turn and I opened and closed doors as I went down the hallway.

There were two bedrooms and a linen closet. Nothing in any of those. One of those bedrooms was obviously a girls room, with quite the desk set up in the corner. Looked like it had been well used at some point. The other was the master bedroom.

I approached the last door on the left and heard sobs coming from the other side. Okay. This was it. I tried the door and it was locked. Of course, the front door was unlocked but the bathroom door she turns into Fort freaking Knox.

"Can you open the door for me? It's me, Edward." I called through and waited. I heard a small whimper and then- was that retching? Was she throwing up in there?

"Please let me in. I'm here to help you, pretty girl" It was silent then, and that scared the shit right out of me.

Throwing my weight behind me, I barreled towards the door and bounced back away from it quickly. It barely moved that time. I took it at a run this time and it blew open inwards and I was terrified that it would have hit her.

Isabella sat on the floor staring up at me. Brown eyes wide and frightened, her hair that trailed nearly to her waist a mess, all matted and greasy. She wore a sweatshirt with a tank top peeking out underneath and only her underwear on the bottom. She was shaking violently and I didn't know if it's because she was sick or if it was out of fear. I took a look over her and realized her legs were tiny. They were so thin. That was why those pants she had worn the day I had seen her looked too big on her. They were. Her sweatshirt was a mess; all dirty and had a few sprinklings of vomit on it.

"You came…" she whispered out and I was immediately on the floor in front of her.

"Of course I came, you needed help." I reached out to run my finger down my cheek and she flinched away. "Don't be scared, remember?"

She looked up at me again and then turned back to the toilet trying to empty more of the contents from her stomach, but there was nothing left to give.

Her clothes were a mess, I needed to get her out of that sweatshirt.

"Come here, okay? Let's get you fixed up." I took off the button up shirt I was wearing as it would be large on her and adequately cover anything that needed to be out of view. She looked at the shirt that I had just taken off and understanding clicked in her eyes.

"No…n-no. I'm okay…I-I'm okay. I'm fine."

"Isabella, you are not fine."

She froze. Of course. How would I know her name? But then again, how would I have known where to find you. She nodded slightly. All of a sudden out of nowhere, and then moved to stand. Picking myself up, I helped her to her feet as well.

When I touched her I felt this shock. It was like, a lightning bolt passed through my entire body, but it didn't hurt. And it wasn't the same as an electrical shock, or a friction shock. I had no name for what just happened.

"Okay. Here's what I'm going to do, okay? I'm going to remove your sweatshirt as it's a mess. I see you're wearing a shirt underneath it. Are you okay with this?" she nodded, "Alright, and then, I'm going to put my shirt on you, and we can go find you some of your own clothes, okay?" another nod. "Okay, lift your arms up for me, pretty girl."

She lifted her arms up and looked away from me. I made sure to keep a steady gaze on her face to gage her reactions. Her face became blank, no emotion as she stared off to the side. Once I had the sweatshirt off of her, I wanted to take another inventory, make sure that what I couldn't see before was okay.

Jesus Christ. The girl had to weigh like ten pounds less than Alice and was at least four inches taller. She was a stick. I remembered back to her letters and her disorders came to mind. She didn't have those under control at all. I could see her bones all over the place and her skin was almost hanging off of her.

My mouth must have been hanging open as it was dry. I swallowed heavily and chanced a glance back at her face. She was still looking away, but I had no idea if she had noticed that I was gaping at her earlier.

"I'm getting cold" she whispered again.

"Right, here. Put this on and then let's go get you some clothes." She tried to put on my mid weight button up, but it was like it weighed a million pounds. I lifted it up and slipped it over arms pulling it together in front of her.

There she stood in my shirt, skinny as hell, bags under her eyes, pale as a ghost…and she was beautiful. Not because she was so skinny, of course not. That was horrible. She needed to eat. She needed to gain some weight. She needed to get some strength. She couldn't even put the shirt on without working up a sweat.

We began walking towards her room, and I faintly heard her whisper. She hadn't spoken above such since I'd arrived.

"I left you a letter today…"

That was it before she slumped over and I caught her in my arms.

"B…Isabella. Isabella, open up. Open up those eyes for me…Isabella!" I tried shaking her a bit as I slid down to the floor with her still in my arms. I don't care how easy they say it is. Holding up deadweight is hard no matter how small the person is.

"Please…open up. Wake up for me."

I pulled out my phone and quickly dialed the home that I had only left not even an hour before.

"Edward, what is it." Carlisle answered on the second ring.

"It's bad, I need you. Please." I heard my own voice crack on the last word, and I knew they had been right. She had me right from the first time I read the word 'Dear'. I was hers, and I knew it. This needed to be fixed.

"Okay. Hang tight. I'll be right there. Do you need me to call 911?"

I knew I couldn't do it. I could barely keep composure talking to my uncle on the phone.

"Ya...ummmm, just hurry. I don't even know what's wrong. Carlisle, she's so small. Hurry."

I dropped the phone, and I don't even know if I hung it up properly. Bringing both arms around her so that I could see her face, I looked down at the unconscious girl and told her she was pretty one more time. No one else had ever told her that, and she needed to be told.

I began whispering things to her not even knowing if she could hear me. Telling her the stories about how I checked our chair everyday, sometimes more than once. Telling her about how I'd kick people out of that chair if they were sitting in it. I mean come on…that was our chair. I rocked her back and forth a little bit and told her about how my chest constricted that first time I saw her and how I just knew it was her.

I don't know how long we sat there before I heard banging on the front door and then my uncle calling through the house.

"We're upstairs!" I shouted down, and she still hadn't regained consciousness. I heard him thundering up the stairs and he stopped abruptly as he looked down at the tableau in front of him in the hallway.

"Jesus…" he choked out. "Emergency is on its way. I had no idea what to tell them, so I'm pretty sure the whole cavalry is on its way. Mind if I take a look at her?" he asked and kept eye contact with me as he crouched down beside us. He eyed me warily, due to the fact that I didn't answer him so I nodded quickly, reluctantly relinquishing my grasp on her.

He lay her down in the hallway and began checking pulse points and whatever else it is that doctors did. How the hell was I supposed to know what he was doing? I owned a bookstore.

"She's severely underweight, and dehydrated. I think I might go as far as saying that she's malnourished. Her pulse is weak, and her blood pressure is a mess." He looked up at me then and I'm assuming took note of the worry in my eyes. "She'll be okay, kid. She'll be fine."

The paramedics came next, not bothering to knock as I assume that Carlisle had left the front door open in his rush upstairs. The rest was a blur.

They had her on a gurney and out into the ambulance in record time.

I rode in the back of the ambulance with her as she had no one else.

When we arrived at the hospital, she was taken away from me.

My entire family showed up and sat in the waiting room with me. Alice was uncharacteristically calm, Emmett unusually quiet, and Esme was sobbing along side me, wrapping me in her arms and patting down my hair. Carlisle was talking to the doctors finding out everything he could.

Me? I was in shock. There was no doubt about it. My world had been turned upside down. I didn't know which end was up, or west or fucking south. All I knew was that girl in there needed to be okay.

"They're airlifting her to Seattle Grace Hospital, as they believe that it may be a long stay. I think it might be best if you drive home to Seattle and get some sleep, Edward." My uncles' voice broke me out of my shock. Home. I had to drive back to Seattle. Like this? I couldn't even focus on the floor in front of me. How was I supposed to focus on the goddamned highway?

"I'll drive you, Ed." Emmett said. I looked over at him and nodded. I stood up and gave everyone hugs as my brother and I exited to the parking garage. I was still in a daze. I began walking to my car and Emmett stopped me.

"Whoa buddy. What do you think you're doing? We're taking my car. We can come back for your car another time."

"I can drive it." Alice's quiet voice spoke up behind us. Nobody drove my car. Ever. No one but me. But I looked at Alice and still in my daze, I nodded at her.

"Don't drive above the limit Alice. And wear your seatbelt."

She rolled her eyes at me and a sad smile broke out across her face.

"I'm not going to wreck your car, Edward. Clean driving record, remember?"

"I'm not worried about the fucking car. I'm worried about you."

She nodded and came up to me. I leaned down into her embrace and she whispered in my ear.

"She'll be okay, big brother. She'll be okay."

With that, we were off in our separate vehicles and not a word was spoken the entire way home.

As the city approached, I remembered the last thing she'd said to me before she was out.

"I left you a letter today…"

"Emmett, we have to stop at the Starbucks."

He gave me a sidelong glance and looked at me as if I was crazy. Maybe I was, but maybe it would give me a clue. I needed to know.

"Uh, bro. I'm not sure if you realize this, but the girl that leaves you those letters is in the hospital."

"She left a fucking letter there earlier, Emmett. I need to go to the Starbucks" Jesus, I was giving myself whiplash with my mood swings.

"Okay. So Starbucks it is." And he left it at that.

I saw it approaching and undid my seatbelt ready to jump out of the car the second it stopped moving. I ran inside and of course, some douche was sitting in that chair. I didn't care anymore. Fuck looking sane. The stress of the day weighed down on me like I had the entire globe resting on my shoulders and all I wanted was that letter and to see Isabella's words. Standing in front of him, he looked up at me in shock.

"Move." I simply said. He started to argue with me and I put my hand up to stop him. "You can have the damn chair back; just move for a damn second, alright?" The man gave me a frightened look but eventually moved. I dug my hands deep down both sides and found the letter on the left hand side. I pulled it out and walked away, not bothering to fix whatever mess I had left in there.

Jumping back in the car, Emmett drove me to my house. He didn't talk; he didn't ask questions, he just drove. I think we broke the space time continuum because before I even realized we had left the coffee shop we were at my apartment. I thanked Em and he told me he'd call to check on me later. Like a zombie I unlocked my front door and kicked my shoes off exhaling another loud breath I didn't know I was holding. What a long day this had been.

Sitting down at my kitchen table, I opened the letter out in front of me.

Sept 16, 2008


Dear Edward,


I don't know what to tell you. I don't know how to say this. I'm going home to Forks. Not to live or anything, just like, to visit my old home. There's nothing left for me there, but it makes me feel closer to them you know? It's because of my birthday. I never told you this before, but my parents, they died on my birthday. They died coming to see me, on my birthday. Sucks right?


So…I'm going home. I don't know how well it's going to go over. I still own that house, and I haven't had the heart to do anything with it. It still looks exactly as it did when they left. I've never even dusted it. What a great daughter I am. Can't even keep up with the housework.


I do trust you. I trust you so much but I'm scared. I'll just bring you down with me, and that's not something I want to do. You saw me the other day, and when we made eye contact, I felt like you could see into my soul. Like you could see every single secret and rip my heart out if you wanted to.


I needed to make my peace with you though. I'm not sure if I should continue on with this. I see you through the window of the coffee shop all the time, and you look so beautiful. We don't belong in the same world.


I'm just done. I can't even do this anymore. I have nothing left in me. No strength, no will. I don't even know the last time I ate. I don't even know if you still care. That day that I saw you, I saw recognition in your eyes, like you just knew it was me. That was scary. So I understand if you saw me and realized that I wasn't worth wasting your time on, because I guess it's the truth.


No big secrets for you this time around. Just a promise that I won't burden you anymore. I think there's a place in my heart that you will always be in, but its okay. It's small and doesn't expect anything in return. You just continue to be beautiful and move on.


Love, Bella

I looked down at the paper and noticed a few wet spots. I was crying. I hadn't cried a tear since my parents dies seven years ago. She'd signed it love, and she was cutting me out.